


Three A.M. Shadow

by Sydnaynay (bandable)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (Almost), 2012 Phan, 2012!Phan, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Emotional Hurt, Happy Ending, How do I tag?, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Kinda cute at the end, Like two lines of it, M/M, Make Up, Sad, Sadness, So much angst, Tw: existential crisis, Vague, almost break up, slight - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandable/pseuds/Sydnaynay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between Dan's existential crisis and the lack of interaction between Dan and Phil, the everlasting phan relationship in 2012, seems to be going nowhere but down.</p><p>Or</p><p>A sorta sad drabble fic about 2012!phan based off of TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three A.M. Shadow

it was those dark nights after dan met phil that really got to him. before meeting phil, dark rainy nights didn't bother him. but, three years later, the dark night with the rain was really bothering dan.

today had been particularly hard on dan and phil. there was a huge unresolved fight, and dan spent a little too much time questioning his existence. it was past 2 in the morning, and dan's pretty sure phil went to his mom's house... to get away from dan. at this point, dan couldn't really blame him.

the rain was beating down on the window so hard that dan wondered if he would drown if he decided to go outside. he rolled over onto his side, facing the wall, wishing he could be sleeping next to phil right now because it was all he honestly wanted to do.

-

it was two days later and phil had gone to record something for bbc so dan had decided to do a little shopping. he wouldn't admit it, but he was trying to get his mind off of the disastrous year they had had so far.

he was walking up the stairs toward his room currently. when he had arrived back at the flat, he was slightly upset to see phil wasn't there yet. he just wanted to come home to phil, again.

that's why he found himself watching their old videos, it filled his room with phil's laugh, which was like dan's safest sound. and besides, home was just a room full of dan's safest sounds, right?

when phil got home, he pretended to not notice his voice coming from dan's room. he knew he couldn't trust dan with that stupid three am shadow that hit him hard in the gut, and made him fuel this fantasy more, rather than deal with reality. if he was able to talk about this with dan, reality would be a lot easier to face.

phil, that night, struggled to fall asleep as he listened to what used to be dan and phil coming from dan's room. he wished dan didn't have to listen to that to feel happiness when phil was only two steps away in his own room. he wished he could be in there, sleeping with dan, letting him now that it was okay. he wished he could let him know that phil still loved him. he wanted to be able to text dan and ask him to come to his room, and not feel awful about it.

-

two weeks later, dan and phil were out walking to the radio station for their show. of course, there was an obvious distance between the two of them. there had been for months. and by now, dan just wanted to lean over and grasp phil's hand in his and never let go.

phil wanted nothing more than to get close to dan again, as well. he wanted to hug him, kiss him, cuddle with him on their couch again... he couldn't lie, he was sure his hands (and lips) still knew their way around with dan. if only everything could go back to the way it was, before 2012 began.

but phil ignored what he was feeling, just as dan did. emotions were running too wild for dan and phil, and the two weren't able to handle it. it was going to end up bubbling over, quickly, and their world was going to come crashing down.

dan could see phil beginning to finally heal. he could see phil moving on, and the less time dan spent with phil, the less time it was going to take to heal. the less time they had to deal with each other and their constantly failing relationship.

dan had to shove his urge of sleeping next to phil away all the time. he had to ignore the want to text phil to come over and talk him down into an actual night of sleep, again.

-

everyday, dan and phil walked that line between ending everything between them and maybe, possibly, eventually being okay. they both were stuck halfway across that bridge. half of them told them to go left, but another half of them begged them urgently to stay right, and come back to each other and the relationship they spent years building. 

there were so many gray areas between the relationship that dan and phil had, or what was left of it. there were so many expectations for them to be okay, move on from this, and go back to being dan and phil.

neither of them wanted to be the one to say goodbye to the world they had created and built up from nothing in three years. but on the other hand, neither of them truly had the motivation to stay and fix what was broken.

that night, dan and phil were both facing the wall that separated them from each other. it was the closest they had being to each other in a long time. and both of them were hoping, praying, that the other was staring at that wall too.

"i want to sleep next to you," they both whispered within a few seconds of each other.

they wanted to be able to come home to each other and talk and not go and hide in their own bedrooms and ignore the existence of the other. they wanted to hold each other's hand and be close again.

they both wanted to ask the other to come over and talk them down into a good night sleep for the first time since the year had began.

the days continued to pass by, and dan and phil seemed to drift further and further apart. neither knew what the future held for them and both just wanted the other to come over and talk them down, finally.

(and the only thing that saved dan and phil was chris and pj locking them in a room on new years eve and refusing to let them out until they talked to each other. which, eventually, graced us with 2013 phan.)


End file.
